It’s like Adele’s chasing pavements, only I’m not talking about love or relationship

I think I have already written about my plan of going back to school, and how much I want to do so. Unfortunately, I have to delay it again. I need to look for another job, or make that apply to another company, before enrolling. I’ve been on my current job for more than eight months now. I love the company. I love its policies. But I hate what I do. I’ve been doing this kind of work for more than three years. I have always hated it. This time though it’s more than just hate. I don’t have a name for it, or I can’t name it yet – the feeling. It’s my first time to be a Customer Service Representative. I have always been on the technical side of customer service before. When I applied to this company, where I’m working now, I specifically said that I would like to be assigned to a technical program they have. Something happened though, and I don’t want to go in to the details because the more I think about it, the more I get pissed off. It was the recruiter’s fault. That bitch. Let’s leave it at that. My friends, who are with the account I originally applied for, would also call her, the recruiter, that. Which is, if I may add, just apt. My friends and I hate her to pieces. Now, I can’t go back to school and stay. It’s a suicide mission. I have to wait for the second semester though just to enroll if I decide to leave the company now. I just don’t know what to do. I’m so confused. And I worry a lot because based on experience, I am such a bad decision maker.

In the river, and out of that place.

Yesterday I was able to finish reading Suttree, one of McCarthy’s bests. I had been reading it for months, only because I do simultaneous reading and I fucking work (and this takes so much of my time and energy.) I remember almost crying when I first read the first few chapters of the book, especially the very first one. (Though of course, the book isn’t really divided into chapters. You should understand what I mean, though.) It was heartbreaking. He wrote it in such a way that readers would be eager to read some more, to find out more about the story and his characters. It was inviting. Very much, if you ask me. And as always, his heart for dialogue  got me. It always does. I think it’s his trademark, other than his way of writing itself. To be quite honest, there were parts were I got confused. Did this part happen before this part? Somewhat like Faulkner. I don’t think he writes like Faulkner, though. I think they are masters of their crafts. One writes as good as the other. No doubt about that. In Suttree, just like in The Road, he ended his genius on a general note. He’s not talking about his protagonist anymore. He’s talking about something else. Vague, but you know in your heart that you understand. You feel it. And sometimes, it breaks your heart.